Emotionally I was fearless as child, Optimistic towards love as most of us were, accepting to hurt, I didn't sugar coat anything. I said exactly what I thought and Ive ALWAYS been very opinionated. I was RECKLESS, and there was a freedom in that was honestly nothing short of amazing, the way that I look at that time in my life is the same way people feel about their first high, there is nothing as beautiful or as potent as the fist hit. Every time after that you are chasing that first high. well I'm still chasing that first love and how strong I was in my naivety, how BOLD I was, simply because I didn't know any better.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not like this love sick puppy looking for its next owner, I actually love my solitude, How ever I cant help but wonder like ... at what point did i become so emotionally unavailable ?
Some days I wish I could go back in time and gift wrap that loving/ fearless person put her in a safe and when the person I feel is worthy comes along present him with this gift that is me, this amazing untainted gift.
Don't judge me I'm a product of an amazing time on disney channel.
but then I realize you cant un do the past, you cant un-break your heart and that and you can't take certain betrayals from people you cared for back.
But what I can do do is use what I know be stronger more affectionate and just stand in who I am and know.. Yes you may very well be hurt again by the people you care deeply about but I believe in equal Opposites so the deeper the pain I experience i try to imagine and equal but opposite joy.
SO, bring on the pain if it means that ill get to experience a joy just as strong.
And as it stands I'm due for a hella happy/ joyful experience
MORAL OF THE STORY
1. You cant change the past only who YOU decide to be right now.
2. its growing pains we all go through it, A Greater Love Is Coming !
3. LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! and everyone else will follow suit.
Read more from Hood Spice here: http://theadventuresofhoodspice.blogspot.com/